I would primarily attribute my reflection to the 184th Semiannual General Conference. It made me feel so uplifted and strengthened in my faith, just after a couple of sessions. The general authorities have so many wonderful truths to teach us and clarify. I don't know if it's just because I was more prepared for the messages this time around, or if the issues I've been dealing with are common to many Latter-Day Saints, thus conference talks addressing them. Probably a nice mix of both.
Second, Andrew and Sterling were in Denver for that whole weekend, so I was at home by myself with plenty of time to ponder on my life and the direction that I am headed. Andrew's grandma Sally passed away on Sept. 27, and we attended her funeral on Thursday Oct. 2. I had to come back home before Andrew and Sterling because I had a mandatory school function. I didn't want to leave :( I am so grateful for Andrew and how hard he works to keep our family afloat. We are by no means rich, but we are definitely richly blessed. The gospel of Jesus Christ has kept us happy through the rough times. We expect rough times ahead as well, many, and embrace the challenges that they entail.
Third, it's been 5 years since Andrew and I were sealed for time and all eternity in the Draper Temple. It is unbelievable to me that time has passed us by as it has. It is such a funny thing. If I think about our marriage in terms of years, it's weird to me that we have been married this long. But if I think about it in terms of experiences over those years, I cannot remember what it was like without my eternal partner. We have been through so many rough and wonderful things together, and I can't imagine having those same events with anyone else by my side. It's impossible for me to try and describe my emotions through words because I'm not eloquent. I dearly love Andrew, and am so grateful for the great relationship we have grown to have together.
Most of the time I am guilty of thinking selfishly and worrying more about what I'm doing or where I'm going than anyone else. However, I would not be the person I am today without the support and love I receive from my boys, and it makes me so sad to think that I haven't been returning the same love and support as I would like to now and going forward. Andrew would probably disagree with me because he's sweet, but the reality is that I've been focused on my future with school and work, and lost sight of what is truly important. Some days I'll come home from being gone all day (We're talking 6 AM-10 PM) so exhausted from the day, but sad that family is already sleeping and I don't get to talk to them until the morning. I'll go watch Sterling sleep and wonder what fun and exciting adventures and discoveries he had while I was typing myself away at work or listening to a lecture.
Life is so sweet. I hate to miss it. But it has seemed so necessary to do so until now. I just need to push through this last semester of school so we can move forward, and upward. I love my family so much and am excited for the great adventures we have ahead. My goal is to make sure Andrew never feels like he's missing out on life while he gets his education these next few years. The feeling of loss is so tangible, and you don't realize what's happening until the time has passed.
We are so happy! We will be forever. So grateful for all our wonderful blessings :)
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